Not Done YetNot Done Yet
Jordyn Senstock/Nebraska Communications
Volleyball

Not Done Yet

Heart-wrenching. 

Devastating.

Motivating.

When asked to describe losing the NCAA Championship back in December, that's how I'd describe it.

I felt like my career with the Huskers was bookended with heartbreak. Disappointment even. As a freshman on the team in 2018, I played for my first NCAA Division I title. As a senior on the team in 2021, I played for my second.

Different opponents — Stanford the first time, Wisconsin the second time.

But the same result. 

A loss. 

A heartbreaking, down-to-the-wire loss.

And although there is so much similarity between the two experiences, there is also so much that was different.

I was different.

The Freshman Mindset

 

As a freshman, I got to Nebraska before the rest of my class. I wanted to get acclimated and gain solid footing in a new environment.

I remember feeling a bit overwhelmed at times, especially when winter came around for the first time. When you're raised in Tennessee, snowshoes and knowing how to get ice off your car aren't really big topics of conversation.

One thing I did know was that my role had a lot of pressure attached to it. I was the starting setter for one of the best programs in the country, and I was going to have to find this balance between being myself on the court but also soaking up what people like Kelly Hunter had to teach me.

And yes, we can address the elephant in the room – of course, I felt more pressure knowing Nebraska had won a national championship the year before I got involved with the program.

And sure, repeating it was the goal.

I viewed that 2018 season as somewhat of a 'failure,' losing to Stanford like that. You may say it's enough just to compete for a national title, but I've always been the girl with extremely high expectations and lofty ideals.

It wasn't good enough in my book.

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Hindsight 2020

 

Looking so far ahead and being so focused on the destination of an entire season made for a stressful freshman year.

It was mostly hard because of my mindset. 

The 2020 season, on the other hand, was hard for an entirely different set of reasons.

The inconsistency. 

The uncertainty. 

2020 took a toll on all of us in different ways. In volleyball specifically, your team is built on connections and relationships. We couldn't do that because of the protocols in place.

That makes you play differently together, not having that bond.

It was also challenging to know if your preparation would even see fruition. Games being canceled left and right, hitting the pause button just as you get back into the groove.

On top of that, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis which is an inflammatory disease in your stomach caused by ulcers in the digestive tract. 

It was a defining phase in my life, getting that diagnosis.

Some days I was in so much pain and felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I tried so many medications and nothing seemed to be working.

Figuring out I had a lifelong issue but not being able to pinpoint what I could do to minimize the flare-ups was unbearably annoying at times.

What made it worse was knowing how much stress affects ulcerative colitis. Stress comes in many forms, and I'd say a worldwide pandemic and being a student-athlete definitely fall under the stress category.

So, it was a strange balance of needing to play volleyball to take my mind off of it, but also questioning if volleyball was physically hurting me.

I spent about a year just trying to get it under control and realizing how to handle my diagnosis, from stress management tips to diet-specific tricks.

 

I will do whatever it takes to help this team get to the national championship, whether that's cheering on the bench, serving, or helping young players navigate the pressure.

Nicklin Hames

Wisdom Through Adversity

 

It all sounds doom and gloom – playing through a pandemic, going through my own personal health issues – but it wasn't.

I learned valuable lessons through the adversity. Most importantly, how to separate my identity from volleyball and how to truly be present with what is in my control.

Getting sick is not something I could control.

Games getting canceled is not something I could control.

But we can control being fully present in the here and now. We can control how we respond to every situation.

I'm glad I learned that lesson in 2020 because I was better equipped to deal with losing a second national title in 2021.

We played Wisconsin as well as we had maybe my entire career as a Husker. 

We had our chances to win. 

We still came up short. 

And that's still hard.

But this time – what I didn't do – was let that loss define who I was.

Volleyball is what I do.

Volleyball is not who I am.

Losing or winning a national title doesn't make me any less me.

The loss was different this time. It was heart-wrenching, sure, but it was also motivating.

One More Shot

 

The 2021 loss to Wisconsin lifted the urge for me to get this program back to where it was a few years ago.

What I've learned is how to tow that line of understanding and embracing those expectations but not letting it be my focus.

I have roots in Nebraska now. I have so much love for this program. I also have career goals that I can mold here.

I want to be a coach one day. 

I have experienced this game at the highest level, and I want to be able to make an impact on young players the way so many coaches have made an impact on me — and there is no one better to learn from than John Cook.

Knowing that, knowing a national championship is still out there, knowing I could be a graduate assistant the year after I'm done playing — all of this made it an easy decision to take my fifth year and return as a Nebraska Husker one more time.

This will be a new chapter for me – one that brings me back to that uncertain feeling I had when I first got to campus in 2018.

I'm not sure what my role on this team will be next season, but I know it will be one that calls for a different perspective, and I know that I'm well-equipped to handle whatever role I find myself owning.

I will do whatever it takes to help this team get to the national championship, whether that's cheering on the bench, serving, or helping young players navigate the pressure.

I want to give this program back a portion of what it has given to me, and that's what this season is about.